Saturday, June 09, 2007

Paris Hilton is scared?

Some of you may know this, and some dont, but anyway....when I was 17 years old, I went to the state Jr. Exhibition contest. I took 2nd place. My mom and stepdad had recently divorced, and my brother had moved away to join the Air Force. Just my mom and me at home. And our relationship was NOT good. I dont remember why now, but she didnt even bother going to the Jr Ex (speech) contest, she wasnt very involved with that stuff anyway. I was so proud, I won on a story I wrote myself. I walked home thinking maybe she would be proud of me for once. Instead, I found her sitting in the dark at the kitchen table. I knew when I opened the door I was in trouble. Keep in mind, I was straight A, high honors, NEVER smoked, drank, used drugs etc. I did have boyfriends and she called me all kinds of names over them. But I had been dating Jim for a year and then some by then, I was 17. Anyway, she had been snooping through my room, which she ALWAYS did. She would tape up notes I had shredded, read diaries, every little thing I did was scrutinized. Apparently she had found a note I had written several YEARS before, about a boy i liked a lot. It was full of nonsense and teenaged bs and stupidity, asking my friend if I could get pregnant doing this or that or whatever...I was 14 when it had been written. I remember thinking "I was just being stupid, it wasnt stuff I had DONE!" But anyway, she accused me of all of it. The first words she said when I came in, in this sickening heavy voice was "Sit down". My life changed forever that night. By the end of it, I fought back. I was tired of being seen as BAD, I was a good kid, I had just won this big fancy award, if she would have bothered looking she would have seen my name on the news.
An hour later, I was being handcuffed and stuffed into the back seat of a patrol car. I had made the mistake of not leaving when she shoved me out the door and locked it. I kicked it in and went to my room to get my stuff, my puppy and a few other things. I was halfway down the stairs with my hope chest stuffed with clothes and papaers etc when the cops came in. I tried to explain, but there was no explaining. She wanted me arrested for criminal trespass. When the cop grabbed me off the stairs, I kicked the hope chest down the rest of the way where it went through a wall. So they added vandalizing to the charges. I was booked into our local jail, then transported to the city jail in the next town. I went to a school with a zero tolerance policy, my arrest got me kicked out...21/2 weeks before graduation. I lost my scholarship and my diploma. I wasnt allowed to march with my friends. I didnt graduate. I was SEVENTEEN. Instead, I got fingerprinted, tossed in a cell with a sneer "You ought to feel right at home here, your daddy likes this cell real well." I had done everything in my power to beat the odds, and to be someone. And it didnt change a thing.

I sat in that cell for days, until Jim bailed me out. He picked me up in his truck and drove me 300 miles south, to where he had just moved for work. And that was that. And I didnt graduate, and I know all about jail, and being scared. And I didnt have what that little twit has, a family fighting for me. Or a drinking problem. I didnt speak to my mother again for years. Then we did for awhile, then we stopped again about 7 years ago. Then we started again about 2 years ago. I forgive her, but I will never forget what she cost me in my life. I never trust her or anybody else completely. Paris Hilton doesnt have a lock on being scared, or sick, or lonely. She had EVERY reason to stay straight and be grateful for the life she had, priveleged and spoiled. And she has NO right to any better treatment than the 17 yr old *I* was, scared and shivering in a cold cell watching my entire future fly away for NOTHING.

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