Thursday, November 08, 2007

"Exotic eyes" UHOH

ok, before you read further, please remember that my daughter, the cute one with golden hair and green eyes, is SUPPOSED to be a fourth grader. She is already wearing a bra, and she is 91/4 years old.

Ciarra has a playdate after school today, a sweet little boy named Robert. They've been friends since Kindergarten, and he recently came to her little bowling party. He is Hispanic, long dark curls, cute kid. They attend each other's birthday parties. They are in each others reading group. Buddies. Friends. Comprades. Ummmmmmm....

I was at the school yesterday, dropping off a computer we were donating. Robert and Ciarra were reading together, laughing, little heads side by side. She saw me, and came running. Long and the short of it is...he asked for her phone number. last night, he called to ask if he could come over today after school. sure, yeah, ok. He has never been over before, but she has boy friends, so...He called 3 times, and I resisted the urge to micromanage, they laughed and teeheed and planned their adventure for today.

I was leaving for work when my phone rang. It was Ciarra's teacher. seems she needed to share, as she said "mother to mother". She related to me that she was very glad Robert was coming over, that the kids were very excited about it. Then she told me that they had been holding hands on the way to lunch. My cheeks were sore from smiling by then, it is nice to know this is a real friendship for both of them. isnt it sweet, innocent, cute...that they held hands? She went on to tell me that she had, in fact, caught them kissing under the slide.

WELL now. So, she IS 9. and she is kinda cute. and she is, by all rights, a pretty typical third grader-who should be a fourth grader. And some 4th graders do kiss...right?

You all are probably with me on the...uhhhhhh....factor. Uh- is this Ciarra being taken advantage of? Uh--is this WAY early? Uh---what the HECK?! Yeah, me too. Memories flooded my mind of all the things I have read. Girls with disabilities get taken advantage of, often. Knowing Ciarra, I am darn sure she likes the attention, she has a pretty strong will. But does it mean different things to the two of them? Is it just innocent kids being kids?

I remember a conversation with another teacher, years ago. Robert was so excited at how well Ciarra could read. And the teacher was talking to him about how nice it was that they were friends. and he said..."She has exotic eyes!"

yes, yes she does. Do you suppose he doesn't really get that she has DS? Do you think it is dangerous to allow them to even go down this path of crushdom? I mean, I know I will be "having the talk" with her (MUCH MUCH earlier than I had imagined it would need doing) But then what? Stop worrying? let her have as normal a life as I would if she didnt have DS? This is not something I expected. I have always wondered about the future, who she would date, who she would like, who would break her heart. But not YET, not this early. Is she more vulnerable than she might be without DS? Will she be heartbroken way too early? Should I just monitor it and let her life unfold as it will, without too much momhelp? This is kinda scary, kinda amusing, kinda....interesting. Oh, one other thing. The boys in her class have apparently been discussing who "the prettiest girl" is in their classroom. And guess who is right up there, at number two? You guessed it. I know life will change, and someday they just wont see her so innocently. But for right now, it does my heart good to know they just see her as Ciarra, with the exotic eyes.

ETA: The kids just got home. I gave them a snack, sat down with them at the table, and very casually said "hey guys, I know you are good friends and that you have kissed each other, but you are much too young to be kissing. Im glad you are friends, but no kissing until much later, ok?" They both said ok, and they both seemed completely fine. So....maybe just addressing it head on will nip it in the bud. I can see them from where I sit

1 comment:

rylie's mom said...

Hi I came across your blog and I just have to say Ciarra is absolutley beautiful.My daughter is 4 years old going on 5. We will be starting the kindergarten transition soon. I feel very encouraged reading your blog. I really admire the way you fight hard for your daughters inclusion. Also I was laughing so hard at the video where Ciarra Shooshed you and put her finger over her mouth-My Rylie does that all the time! I was also impressed with how well she talks. She is one smart cookie! Please come visit me at my blog My name is Valerie.