bus stop days

my middle child is a son, 12 years old and almost as tall as me. He is sometimes gruff and he is always of few words. Honor roll, brilliant mind, he gathers his words and only doles them out when necessary. He is a lot like his father, quiet and mercurial. But he is a lot like me, too. He has a tender heart and is easily hurt. He just doesnt show it much. But this boy loves SO fully. He is a favorite with little kids, he has been "MY Jesse" to many a toddler. He loves new babies, and will sit and stroke their faces and hands for as long as their mothers will let him hold them. He is very tender-hearted and has one of the gentlest spirits I have ever known in a tough guy. He is the kid that used to climb in the crib with his baby sister if she cried, carry her everywhere, and dote on her as though she was the best thing in the entire world.
As they have grown a little, their bond has been tested a bit. Like all siblings, they fight sometimes. She can be spoiled, so can he. They both want the tv when they want it, and he really really dislikes her best friend (Who is not very nice to him at all) The last year or so their bond has been stretched, they are both growing up, both past the huggy stage really. Maybe it isnt COOL to be cuddly anymore?
I was perched in my window today, watching them wait for the bus. Usually they will shoot a few hoops or climb snowbanks or throw rocks across the street. Lately, they have sort of tried to find their respective SPOT with one another, they seem to have a mutual respect for being "big". Ciarra is in a wonderful mood today, and has been quite cheerful lately in general. I can usually not hear them when they wait for the bus, it is a fair ways to the busstop. Jesse came ambling down the driveway, she was already there. He put down his laptop and backpack and walked towards her. Sometimes they will spar a little in the morning, grumbling and bossy, and one will complain about the other DOING something or another. It is never more than a sort of playacting, though, like they are SUPPOSED to get on each others nerves. I saw him walk towards her, stand beside her, then reach out an arm and lay it across her shoulders. Then crouch down, lean in, and kiss her cheek. I dont have a clue what precipitated this gesture, but it was sweet to watch. many times, Ciarra will resent him trying to cuddle with her, she is BIG and she isnt a baby. I wasnt sure what was going on, if maybe she was sad and he was comforting her. She leaned back, looked up at him, then threw both arms around his waist and hugged him, hard. They stood looking at each other for a second, and then almost seemed to realize they were being LOVEY, and, well, the bus WAS coming. They stepped back, adjusted their backpacks, and the moment was gone. But I saw it, I recorded it in my mommy file, and I treasured it.

As they grow up, the moments in which they can just LOVE without worrying what the world thinks will be fewer and farther between. He may not climb into bed with her much these days, but if she is sick or sad, I can count on him being there for her. Their bond is so natural, and yet it isnt sticky sweet, he doesnt feel any sense of "burden" towards her, shes just his pesky little sister and only sometimes still CUTE. Generally, she is bossy, opinionated, and too independant to stand still for his hugs. I am happy to see he still gives them, and that she still accepts them, sometimes.

The bus came down over the hill, and I saw them turn. He lets her get on first and I remember the days he had to boost her up the stairs. She is tall, strong, and confidant now, and the big brother role is changing. But the love is still there, and growing every day.

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I sometimes watch her as though I am a stranger, and try to view her world as SHE views it. When the bus arrived today, she looked up into the window, saw her best friend, and squealed out loud, waving and running to the bus. I heard the bus driver say "Good morning, sunshine!" and I smiled to myself. We should ALL be greeted this way every day, dont you think? Ciarra's life is joyful. I could ask for NOTHING more.

I don't want to go to jail!!

Last night was hectic in our house. Still knee deep in putting in a new bathroom for the kids, plus getting everyone ready for school. That includes one going to college (first in our family ever!), one going into 7th grade, and one going into third grade. Busy busy.

Kristin had stopped by to see dad at work, and he gave her some money to go buy a few things she needed for Monday. She stopped by Subway, then Cool Rayz tanning salon, then the car wash, and was headed to the bank to make a loan payment. On the way into the bank, she realized in a panic that her wallet was missing...along with her paycheck, the 90 bucks Dad just gave her, her license, etc etc. Crap. She calls us to ask what to do, after checking everywhere she had been twice. Needless to say, she came home completely bummed. She has a habit of losing/breaking stuff, and so Mom and Dad arent rushing to replace it all. But Im sure tomorrow we will be shopping. Sigh...life with children, at ANY age.

While Kristin was gone, Ciarra thought maybe her sister's new turtle was hungry, and decided to pour a good bit of FISH food into the tank. Oops. Not only has she already been scolded for this before, but she knows better. She did it anyway. Of course, I didnt know, I was making supper. All I could see was this cute little thing sitting on her pink bench in the hallway reading books. Innocent, sweet....ummm hmmm.

In comes Kristin, dejected. Shopping plans are curtailed, she is broke. And bummed. And about to be MORE bummed. She walks into her room, past innocent little Ciarra, who looks down quickly although she does mutter a short Hi. Hmm...
Out comes Kristin, in a tizzy, angry at Ciarra, angry at the world. She scolds Ciarra roundly, but within the bounds of sisterly love. Ciarra denies everything, in true 9 yr old style.

Kristin is now more peeved. She stomps into the kitchen, and asks me what to do about her missing wallet. I tell her to call the police. She tells me there's nothing they can do and starts to walk off, sadly. She is headed down the hall past Ciarra when I holler "Grownups call the police, Kristin, it is just what you DO!" She tells me "grownups are rational and know no one is going to hand it in if they STOLE it." (She has a point, but I still tell her to call the police.) she reverses direction to the office, sits down and dials the police. As she passes, in a tiny little voice, Ciarra says "Im a GOOD girl."

I think she is just being lippy about the turtle issue. But as I turn back to the rice I am stirring, her Daddy and I hear deep gasping breaths coming from the hallway. We rush to see what is breaking our baby girl's HEART, and she looks at us between sobs and says "I dont WANT to go to jail!!" Tears are now streaming down her cute little cheeks, sobs wrenching her body. "Im sorry. I wont feed the turtle!"

And it hits us all at once, in a great big powerful wallop of humor and bittersweet understanding. Ciarra thought we were talking about her feeding the turtle! She thought I told her big sister to call the police on her. Poor little thing is wracked with sobs, flung herself into Dads arms, begging not to go to jail, pleading with us that she really really is, a GOOD GIRL.

Life is never boring at our house, thats for sure. A bowl of ice-cream, some big apologies and some truth telling later, Ciarra is reassured. She understands that it wasnt about her at all. Still no wallet, but we are keeping our fingers crossed.